Extreme Confusion, Total Sense
by HellFire
Summary: A short ficlet about the Zero system's effects on Heero...paradoxial events, death perhaps?


~ All standard disclaimers apply

~ All standard disclaimers apply

~ Warning: Extreme confusion, total sense. Heero torture below.

~ Note: I was just bored, got an idea, turned it into a ficlet. Really short, but kinda interesting, if you think about it. Just don't think too hard, or you'll get a headache. Believe me.

~ Demons are everywhere –even in me ~

~ Extreme Confusion, Total Sense ~

Wing Zero fell to the ground, leg blasted out from under it during the previous battle, power gone. There had barely been enough energy to fly to Earth safely. A minor explosion from the loosened arm showered sparks onto the dirt below, illuminating a large building not far away. A truck was heading toward the damaged mech from the building.

The cockpit burst open, revealing the bleeding pilot. Heero climbed out of his Gundam, falling to the ground below. Aside from a few minor cuts and many bruises, the boy was unharmed. He stood, turning to watch to approach of the truck.

The damaged Gundam was transported to the building where it could be repaired. Heero watched silently until mechanics attempted to fix the arm. He sprinted over, ordered them away. The mechanics watched in amazed silence as the 16 year old boy worked to repair his machine. Heero was oblivious to his audience, concentrating wholly on his Gundam.

Time passed, the mechanics left, and still he worked on his mecha. By morning it was fixed. All that remained was to test it.

Fluorescent green flashed as Zero opened its eyes, sat up. Inside the great machine Heero sat, hands on the controls. His eyes remained closed, face held in shadow by the dim light of the control panel. The feel of the controls in his hands, the seat under him, the restraints crisscrossing his body were familiar, almost reassuring. Even the smell was the same: sweat, blood, and mechanical parts. He lifted his head, eyes opening, focusing on the screen before him.

Heero fully activated Zero, letting the built-in system surround him in its light. The background faded away in the golden haze. Nothing else existed, only his body and the Zero system all around. Nothing else mattered, nothing else was relevant. Heero opened his mind to the system, giving it access to his knowledge.

None of the other pilots knew what he went through every time he activated Zero. Quatre didn't even know. Heero was the only one who knew, would ever know. Zero had chosen him, no one else. The system would work for another, but only halfway. Hero was the only one who would ever experience the excruciating torture the Zero system lavished on the one in the cockpit.

He hated it. He hated the feeling of being invaded, hated the agonizing pain, but most of all, he hated the conflict, the confusion. It was awful, the only thing that could make him experience fear. And he did. Every time, every fucking time he had to climb into that fucking cockpit, activate that fucking system, he felt fear. It would creep into his mind, stealing into his hardened heart, making him hesitant to even touch the cursed machine ever again.

The system took over, flooding into Heero's mind like a fluid. It filled his body, touching everything, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. It propelled him forward, further into the golden light, toward a tiny black speck rapidly growing larger. No wind pushed his hair from his forehead, no air brushed against his bare skin.

Just before Heero reached it, the blackness shrunk, closing in on itself until it seemed as if he would never make it through. He continued to rush toward it full tilt. He was no longer being pushed. The darkness called out to him, to the Zero system within him. He smashed into the blackness, felt it envelop him, sucking him in. Then everything was in chaos.

That was the only was to describe it. It was pitch black, yet blinding white at the same time. He seemed both too big and too small for the space, so small he would vanish into the darkness forever, so big he would be squeezed to death by the whiteness. His body was pulled left, right, up, down, in, out, until it exploded into the blackness, leaving only the golden mist of his spirit. Or maybe he imploded, closing in on himself until he no longer existed, the golden haze of the Zero system flying out of his body to dissipate into the blinding whiteness.

He couldn't see, and yet he could see too much. He was blind, but saw flashes of images from past, present, future. One second he had a sensory overload of information, the next he was robbed of any knowledge. Nothing made sense, yet everything was crystal clear. Nothing was solid, nevertheless everything was. He was alive, yet he had never been born. It was impossible for anything to exist in this place that was nowhere, but in spite of that this place was everywhere, encompassing every world, every dimension. He was, but he wasn't.

Nothing existed, and everything existed. Heero's mind grappled for something he understood, something that was one thing and not the complete opposite at the same time. It failed to find anything, yet found everything. When it attempted to shut down, block out the conflicting information, it found that it had previously sent Heero into unconsciousness, and in doing so had forced him into the conscious world.

Heero spent forever in the white darkness, all the same it was gone before he knew it. The contradictions were ripped from him, yet shoved deep within him at the same time. He knew that he could never forget them, even though he had never witnessed them.

Suddenly he was shoved deeper into the black whiteness by being pushed away from it. Images, noises, smells, thoughts, all assaulted him even though they stayed far away. He was torn inside out, folded in on himself. Terror walked hand-in-hand with tranquility. They made the perfect couple, hideous at the same time. He was calm, unharmed, but wanted to scream in agonizing pain.

Nothing, everything; blackness, whiteness; up, down; pain, peace. Nothing was the same, nothing was different. He knew nothing more, yet knew everything more.

~~~

Outside, a scream was heard, terrible in its silence.

~ Owari ~


End file.
